Handling Hard Times

There's lots of different advice out there about handling hard times. I posted an article on another site about approaching God for help and support in the midst of our problems. You can find that post by clicking here. I hope it encourages you!

God and Government

I just published a post on God and government on another blog. If you're interested in that kind of thing, be sure to check it out. Here's the link: What's God Got to Do With It? Certainly fits into what matters most to me. Enjoy!

Knit Together

Several years ago, my grandma patiently tried to teach me to knit. I was usually too busy to sit still long enough to learn the craft that she spent so many years enjoying and sharing with others. But from time to time, I'd still myself and she was always willing to start over with me as soon as I slowed down enough from my frantic pace. Those moments with her were times I really treasure, especially now that she's passed away.

After she died, I decided to sit down and really teach myself to knit, as a way of honoring her and (considering it in retrospect) probably as a way to work through my own grief. My first project was a holey pink square which quickly became a stuffed duckie's blankie and my second was a mini-poncho that had started out as a simple rectangle gone bad, that became a stuffed bear's first garment (which pleased my children to no end). If I can find these atrocious treasures, I'll post pics of them here--good for a laugh, but little else!

Since then, I've knitted sweaters and scarves and mittens and hats and dishcloths. My last project was definitely the most difficult of all: Socks. Well, Sock, to be exact, because the second one isn't finished yet.

You'd never know from looking at your sock drawer what goes into knitting a sock (I sure didn't), but I decided it would be a worthy adventure.


What I didn't know is that knitting socks is something like knitting with giant toothpicks (four or five double pointed needles) and dental floss (skinny skinny skinny yarn).

After many false starts, at last, I got it going. Socks progress at an excruciatingly slow pace (mine sure did!), but it has been fun to celebrate each little victory as I master something new!

After hours and hours (seriously, hours) of effort--at last--my first sock!




I'm resisting the urge to frame it and I'm making another one so that I can snuggle up in them this winter. The kids and Brad have already put in orders for theirs as well! (At my current pace, eight year-old should get hers about the same time as her driver's license, but it's still fun and, believe it or not, quite a stress-reliever.)

My children now have taken up an interest in knitting and crocheting as well, so we've been having quite the time teaching, learning, and creating together.

As for me, I consider myself blessed to have the chance to slow down with them and create some memories with them like my treasured ones with my grandma--those memories that will last long after my sock masterpieces wear out.

And then there are those life lessons that are learned through this creative process:

• Sometimes more is gained from slowing down than from running harder.

• Every big project starts with that first stitch.

• Take time to spend with your parents and grandparents and children in a quiet, "agenda-free" setting. Those are the times you'll remember most when they're not with you.

• Things worth having are worth working for.

• A teensy slip-up, ignored and not fixed, can turn into a great big hole and a nasty mess down the road.

• It's easier to fix a problem right away than to wait until later.

• If something's a real mess, sometimes it's best to just rip it out and start over from the beginning.

• Enjoy both your results and every stitch of the journey to get there.

• Finish well.

• Homemade really is better.

• Read the instructions.

• Don't panic when you realize you've messed up. Stay calm and think it through and you're on your way to fixing the problem.

• Listen to advice from those that know more than you.

• When Grandma says, "I can fix it, honey,"chances are she really can.

• When God said He knit you together in your mother's womb, He didn't use a knitting machine. He did it stitch by stitch, purposefully and full of love. And He didn't make a single mistake. (Here's where He said that)

Thanks, Grandma.

She's Baaaccckk

Well, I know it's been ages since I've posted here, so I wanted to offer an explanation about that!

Once I got this What Matters Most masterpiece started, I began thinking of blog topics that went off in lots of different directions--lots of which didn't seem to fit with my original vision for this blog.

What Matters Most (you are here) is named after articles I've written for years in various local periodicals. They're usually encouraging and amusing and are aimed toward, well, everybody, the "general population."

Shortly after I started this blogging adventure I realized that I had all kinds of personal things I wanted to share with people--things that frankly, were none of the general population's beeswax. So, I started a friends and family, invite-only blog to share that info. (If you're reading this and haven't received an invite to the friends and family blog, email me so that I can get you in).

Haven't posted there for awhile either. Just stuck. I keep thinking about these other wheels that have been turning.

So here's what I've decided to do. (In my typical Type A style):

1. I plan on trying to post here on What Matters Most weekly --with new insights, encouragement and entertainment, favorite column reprints, and other updates.

2. I'll also post on our friends and family blog (again, email me for an invite) two to four times a week, depending on whether there's anything noteworthy happening.

3. I'll be posting regularly (every day or two) to my new blog, What's God Got to Do With It? This is the message that's been consuming my little mind the past couple months.

What's God Got to Do With It? is my effort to explore the perspective of God on lots of topics and subjects that all of us face. From what I can see, there are a tons of people looking for answers to major issues in their lives right now. While clicking and searching and reading, I've also seen a lot of flaky weirdness out there that could be leading people into really dangerous and deceptive waters.

It's because I respect and enjoy intelligent people and hearty discussion of issues, and more importantly, because I believe God has everything to do with providing answers to the pressing issues of our world, that I'm excited about offering this new blog.

Keep checking back here for more upbeat and encouraging words. And check here to find out what God's got to do with it!

My Hockey Adventure

In my last post, I briefly mentioned my narrow escape from the parent-child hockey game. I thought I was so clever, arriving too late to suit up and play. Well, games were held both Tuesday and Thursday, and tonight was my night.

Rewind to my noon-ish workout session with my dear friend and fitness coach/sadist, Kari, who keeps me from falling off the elliptical machine and injuring myself or innocent bystanders while our children attend their homeschool PE class. This particular day, we did resistance training focused on the legs and fanny area, as well as about seven or eight thousand miles on the elliptical torture machine.

See, all this would have been fine, but for my debut as a hockey player this evening.

So even in my post work-out pain, how was it? Well, I was able to spend more time vertical on my rented skates than horizontally laying on the ice. I was able to get my stick on the puck (this is a good thing) a few times. I only wiped out a few of my own team members due to the fact that I was incapable of stopping (hockey skates don't have the toe-pick of figure skates that I'd tried decades ago in high school). When I did spin around and fall down on my touckas, I was able to stop doing my turtle-on-its-back impersonation before the other team scored.

Other than that, it was a blast! I haven't had as much fun making a complete fool out of myself in a long time. My daughter wasn't completely humiliated by my valiant effort. And I definitely got a grasp of what she's been doing the past five months.

That part was great. After months of hard work, these little superstars had the chance to get their parents out on the ice and skate circles around them. Of course, being wonderful, upstanding parents, we have spent months in the stands in various freezing arenas shouting pearls of wisdom like, "Get the puck!" So they were able to enlighten us kinesthetically about how much we really knew!

It was awesome to be so soundly beaten by a group of youngsters who had so earned the right through their consistent practice, hard work, and heartfelt competitiveness, to whomp us. My nine-year-old daughter got to play goalie and she really was great (proud mom, but she really did do an excellent job!). This was her first year and it was an incredible experience for her--and for the rest of her family.

At first I was kinda concerned about my little girl playing hockey--not a ton, because girlfriend is a toughie and can hold her own, but she is still a girl, for heaven's sake. But when I saw the amount of padding these kids wear, I thought, there were few sports or life events that were safer for a person that age to play.

So we have been a hockey family and my participation in tonight's festivities I suppose earns me the right to call myself a full-fledged hockey mom. I'm so grateful for the opportunity my daughter has had to be a part of this scrappy little team this season. I've been so pleased at the focus and self-control and loyalty and even (serious!) physical strength she's developed in such a short period of time.

As for me, it remains to be seen whether this debut will yield any long term pains, injuries, or other character development. I'm sure there are many philosophical and spiritual issues that remain to be explored regarding this experience, but they will have to wait til another day--as will figuring out how to post some cool pictures here.

Are you a hockey parent or a (perhaps former) hockey player? I understand it gets in your blood! Or have you had the chance to have your kid's team beat you soundly at your best game? I'd love to hear about your experiences!

For now, I'm content to let my daughter bask in the happy glow of a great game and a great season. And soon, we'll be on to warmer weather adventures--assuming, of course, I recover from this one!

Cool

So yesterday I bumped into someone from back in my business owner days. The location was our local skating rink where my daughter's youth hockey team was scrimmaging the parents (I had arrived strategically late with my youngest daughter in tow, a handy excuse for not donning skates, pads and gloves and instead staying in the much-warmer stands).

This was someone I'd known since high school (I love living in the town where I grew up) and he asked me, "What are you doing now?" At first I thought, well, I'm watching a hockey game. But then I realized, he was asking me what I was doing for a living.

As a very strong, independent woman who has for all intents and purposes exited the business world to care for my family, this was the first time I'd had the opportunity to answer that question as The New Me.

My response: "Well, I'm homeschooling my daughters and I'm getting ready to start leading a Brownie troop." He looked at me as if waiting for the rest of the story. But that was it.

A questioning look. A flash of recognition, surprise, and (there it was) a smile.

"Cool."

Let me tell you it felt GREAT! And it would have felt great even if he'd called me a big loser. Here's why:

For the past two decades I have been selling or litigating or training or managing or studying or fighting against some bully or for some cause. Those things were all important, but somehow, I'd let them define me.

Now rest assured, today I'm doing a lot more than just what those two responses to my friend yielded. But for the first time in my life, I didn't feel obligated to give the litany of my jobs, activities or life situations. In fact, answering that way helped me realize that I'm pretty much off the hamster-wheel of going, going, going and just maybe on my way to getting somewhere that really matters.

I remember thinking when I turned 40 that this was going to be the time of my life when I could stop apologizing for who I am and start living. I could stop making excuses and giving explanations. People would have to just take me as I am, or not. It took awhile, but that's finally the way it's turning out to be. How refreshing to be comfortable in my own skin (usually--though I still wish there was less of it) and not have to worry so much about impressing people. Whew.

Now I have the energy to focus on the things that mean the most to me: 1. My relationship with God. 2. Rebuilding our marriage and our home. (Yes, we reconciled after being separated for 14 months--miracles DO happen!) 3. Loving, nurturing and educating my daughters. And 4. Being the friend and family member that I know God intended me to be.

Sure, there are a lot of parts of my life that are completely whirlwind out-of-control right now because that's just the way it is when you're in a time of huge transition and change. But as I keep my focus and priorities on the Big Four above, answering a question like the one from my old friend is a pretty great experience. So is living in my own skin, being my husband's wife, my daughters' mom, my mom's daughter, my friends' friend, and God's kid.

"Cool." Yeah, it really is.

For Example...

Yesterday I wrote about how I wanted this year's goals and objectives to be based in my faith. That's not always the rosiest and easiest path, as you probably know. In fact, I've come to realize that the harder you follow after God, the more challenges you are given the opportunity to overcome as you grow up in your faith.


Last year I had a huge faith test. I had owned a business for over six years, and found myself relying on the struggling real estate market and in the middle of a very difficult divorce. I was faced with the challenge of being a single mother of two very strong, intelligent little girls while leading my little company through very rough economic waters.


Now, I had sacrificed substantially, pouring my heart and soul into this business and I believed that God had put me in that professional position for his purposes. In the middle of the year, I stopped and looked at our changing economy and, more importantly, I looked into the face of my two beautiful daughters, who had been ravaged by the loss and pain of their father's and my difficult separation. At that point I knew I had to make a choice.


On one hand, I knew that a full-steam professional effort would give the company the chance to stay the course and ride out the terrible storms in the real estate market right now. On the other hand, I remembered that the entire reason I'd gotten into the real estate business was the desire to take care of my family, who now would actually be deprived by such a concerted professional effort.


When it came down to it, the decision about what to do with the business came down to being a good businessperson or being a good mother. And when you put it that way, the decision was a no-brainer. I closed my company within weeks, without regret, and have never looked back.


And I must say that from the moment I acted on the decision that I knew lined up with God's principles for me in this season of my life, it was almost like hearing his pleased sigh from the heavens, "Thank you for finally listening, Shannon. Now we can start!"


The wake of that decision has been awesome, in ways both terrifying and beautiful. There have been consequences--professional, financial, and to my reputation--that have not been pretty. Don't you know, following God doesn't relieve you of the results of your decisions. But more important than the hardships, I now have the opportunity to sow seed into the life that I've always believed I've been supposed to be living. I have the chance to homeschool my daughters and am spending quality time with them now that never would have been possible before. This has paid off in a huge way for them and for me.


So right now I'm in free fall, trusting that the parachute I've entrusted to God will open. Meanwhile, I'm watching and waiting as miracle after miracle occurs in my life. I'm so grateful that the circumstances boxed me in to make these decisions and that I'm right where this recovering control-freak needs to be--completely out of my own control, but right in the palm of God's hand.

The Measuring Stick for 2008

Well, for me it’s really about February before I get around to looking at my goals for the upcoming year. I know that probably sounds lame, but it really does take me all of January to get my squirrelly kids back on their school schedule, get all the Christmas decorations jammed back into the basement and get life somewhat back to normal (whatever that is).

Really though, the beginning of the year is such a great time for evaluating and reevaluating progress. It’s the time for tying up loose ends, finishing projects, setting goals, revising business plans, and much more.

So this February as my brain at last switches into its contemplative mode, the biggest key for the coming year is: what standard of measure should I use?

There are so many methods of measuring our progress. Did I meet the goals I set last year at this time? Am I happier? Am I healthier? How’s my stress level? Has my financial statement improved? Have my relationships improved? Am I a better mother, wife, daughter, friend, teacher, colleague, speaker, writer, or businesswoman?

What about my values? Have I taken a stand, fought hard, won or lost? What about my work ethic? Did I do all I could whenever I could? Did I refuse to quit? Did I choose integrity over comfort?

Have I met others’ expectations of me? Have I met my own? Have I learned from my mistakes and failures? Have I been gracious in my successes?

There are just so many ways to measure progress. And I confess to asking myself all of the above questions—and more.

But for me, the biggest and most important measurement became clearer and clearer in 2007. For me, the most important questions for me to be asking are those that center on my faith. And in 2008, that’s the measuring stick that matters most to me.

For example:

Am I living in integrity with God’s Word? Am I being careful to give God thanks in all things? (Not for all things—thank heaven!) Am I letting God drive?

Am I sharing the miracles that are happening in my life with others? Am I giving God the glory for the successes that I have been blessed with? (He really does deserve it!)

Am I trusting God to pull me through difficult situations? Am I giving God my time, growing in my prayer-life? Am I reading the Bible everyday—and actually doing what it says?

Am I forgiving those who’ve hurt me? Am I letting go of bitterness and resentment that (by most standards) I should be entitled to retain? Am I wallowing in my failures or allowing God to work them together for good?

Am I being a decent ambassador for people who really haven’t had a chance to get to know God’s love, power, compassion, healing, mercy, grace and miracles? Am I praying for my community, our leaders, my church, and even those who’ve positioned themselves as enemies?

Of course, there’s much more. But the short of it is: I’ve come to believe that when I seek first these things that are not just important to the people (including myself) in this fast-paced, hustle and bustle world, but rather are important to God, then all the other things will fall into place—orchestrated by hands and power much bigger than my own.

I also believe that by allowing God to have His way, my life, my family, my gifts and talents, and my relationships can only get better and better. And I know that the evidence of God’s love, power, grace, favor, provision, and protection will be an awesome testimony in order for more people to know and experience Him.

I am expecting miracles this year! May God do a mighty work in healing our country this year and may He give you the desires of your heart as well. May you and your family be richly blessed in 2008.

Getting Real About Priorities

What is your biggest priority? Another way to ask this question is, “Who or what do you serve?” The answer to the question cuts right to the heart of each one of us.

Lots of times, we’ve got really good intentions about what we want our priorities to be. God, family, mastering a new skill, being a certain kind of person, reaching certain professional or financial goals. Only you know what you want your highest priority to be. It’s a very personal choice.

Where we seem to get into trouble is when our priorities differ in reality than they do in our desires.

Here’s a good way to tell if your priorities differ in reality than they do in your desires. Start paying attention to what you think about when your mind is at rest. When your mind drifts, where does it drift to? When you discover a theme, you’ve discovered your priorities, your “master”, who or what you serve.

If you’re constantly thinking about work, then work is your priority. (Read: work is your master). If you’re constantly thinking about what other people think of you, then your ego may be your priority (master). If you’re constantly thinking about trivia, that night’s television line up, or what movie to see this weekend, then escape may be your priority (master). If you’re constantly worried or afraid, then worry and fear may be your priorities (masters).

Please understand, I’m in no position to judge anyone’s priorities and do not mean to do so in any way. It’s just that if the desires (priorities) of our hearts are not our priorities in reality, we’ll never be really happy. And worse yet, we may be kidding ourselves and not even know it.

I believe the key to shifting our priorities is immersing ourselves in them. Train your brain (and heart) to focus on what matters to you. This doesn’t mean that you never have fun or that everything you do or think has to have some major heavy-duty intense purpose. It also may not mean that you change one minute of the way that your time is presently allotted. It’s a matter of focus.

If your children are truly your priority, spend more time with them if you can. Make the time that you do spend with them is high quality. Make sure they’re aware of how much they matter to you. Speak to them in a way that builds them up and lets them know how loved and valued they are.

If your faith is your priority, immerse yourself in the Bible. Listen to music and read books that strengthen and edify your faith. Attend the church of your choice. Find a mentor and get your questions answered. Take time to pray—God is interested in you, wants to hear from you and has much to share with you as well.

For anyone else who could use some work in this department, let’s make this the year that we get our actual priorities and our desired priorities on the same track. Imagine what added energy, passion and drive we’ll have. Imagine operating with that level of authenticity and congruence. Imagine the increased clarity and ease of decision-making. How would life change for you? Now that’s something worth thinking about.

Get Well Mighty Mac

Well, there's nothing like perspective.

While considering how to get started with this blog, I got the awful news that our youth pastors' daughter, Mackenzie, was in need of immediate brain surgery and may be suffering from very aggressive cancer. Mac is eight years old, a tiny little person, but she and her family have great, great faith.

Her family has asked us to pray. Faith moves mountains. It moves the hand of God.

Dear God,
In the name of Jesus, I petition you to move on behalf of Mackenzie. Nothing is too hard for you, Lord. You are mighty to save. The plans you have for Mackenzie are to give her a hope and a future. Lord, let no weapon formed against her prosper. I thank you, God, that by your stripes we are healed and I ask that you heal Mackenzie completely. Please keep her and her precious family in your perfect peace. Increase and renew their faith. Comfort them through your Holy Spirit. You are still God over all. You are the same God who performed the miracles in the Bible and you are no respecter of persons. Extend your healing miracle to Mackenzie and be glorified in this situation today, Lord. In Jesus name. Amen.

Where two or more are gathered, Christ is in the midst of them. If you are a Christian and happen to be reading this post, please pause for a moment and pray. Be a part of Mackenzie's miracle. And see if your perspective doesn't start to change too!