Cool

So yesterday I bumped into someone from back in my business owner days. The location was our local skating rink where my daughter's youth hockey team was scrimmaging the parents (I had arrived strategically late with my youngest daughter in tow, a handy excuse for not donning skates, pads and gloves and instead staying in the much-warmer stands).

This was someone I'd known since high school (I love living in the town where I grew up) and he asked me, "What are you doing now?" At first I thought, well, I'm watching a hockey game. But then I realized, he was asking me what I was doing for a living.

As a very strong, independent woman who has for all intents and purposes exited the business world to care for my family, this was the first time I'd had the opportunity to answer that question as The New Me.

My response: "Well, I'm homeschooling my daughters and I'm getting ready to start leading a Brownie troop." He looked at me as if waiting for the rest of the story. But that was it.

A questioning look. A flash of recognition, surprise, and (there it was) a smile.

"Cool."

Let me tell you it felt GREAT! And it would have felt great even if he'd called me a big loser. Here's why:

For the past two decades I have been selling or litigating or training or managing or studying or fighting against some bully or for some cause. Those things were all important, but somehow, I'd let them define me.

Now rest assured, today I'm doing a lot more than just what those two responses to my friend yielded. But for the first time in my life, I didn't feel obligated to give the litany of my jobs, activities or life situations. In fact, answering that way helped me realize that I'm pretty much off the hamster-wheel of going, going, going and just maybe on my way to getting somewhere that really matters.

I remember thinking when I turned 40 that this was going to be the time of my life when I could stop apologizing for who I am and start living. I could stop making excuses and giving explanations. People would have to just take me as I am, or not. It took awhile, but that's finally the way it's turning out to be. How refreshing to be comfortable in my own skin (usually--though I still wish there was less of it) and not have to worry so much about impressing people. Whew.

Now I have the energy to focus on the things that mean the most to me: 1. My relationship with God. 2. Rebuilding our marriage and our home. (Yes, we reconciled after being separated for 14 months--miracles DO happen!) 3. Loving, nurturing and educating my daughters. And 4. Being the friend and family member that I know God intended me to be.

Sure, there are a lot of parts of my life that are completely whirlwind out-of-control right now because that's just the way it is when you're in a time of huge transition and change. But as I keep my focus and priorities on the Big Four above, answering a question like the one from my old friend is a pretty great experience. So is living in my own skin, being my husband's wife, my daughters' mom, my mom's daughter, my friends' friend, and God's kid.

"Cool." Yeah, it really is.